... p. s. bohemian

We were totally frozen in but it was still a pretty freakin great week :)

2012-01-23T12:51:00.000-08:00

Last week we got some SNOW which was promptly followed by lots of FREEZING RAIN which then made our little neck of the woods an ice rink - my van was literally frozen stuck in my driveway till late Saturday.

So I missed a week of work which means 50% less on my next paycheck which is freaking me out a bit - what with bills to pay and Life is Good to save for somehow.

BUT we had plenty of food and we lost power for less than 2 hours total when some folks around here still don't have power back on.

And I got tons done at home towards some new adventures in my future (sshhhh, one of them *might involve coaching - just maybe *wink) and enjoyed learning about Eli's new game and generally extra time to hang out w/ my kids <3

Also, cause ya'll are so freakin awesome, I want to tell you about my awesome friend Kelly (also an unschooler rockstar mama!) - she's working on raising up funds to take her lovely family to Life is Good this year - she's got a great start and could totally use more help! Check out her most recent post here.

One last thing, if ya'll have any handy tips and/or ideas I can utilize to earns up the funds for Life is Good this year - send 'em my way cause Eli and I have been looking forward to attending since we pulled out of the driveway in Vancouver last year and I'm shocked at how close May is already!

Second Class Citizens Documentary

2012-01-18T17:34:00.000-08:00

Please visit Second Class Citizens Documenyary for more info

an intentional gift for myself and my new year

2011-12-10T15:00:00.001-08:00

i just bought myself the 2012 Creating My Goddess Year Workbook --

i'm super excited to dig into this and create a vision for 2012 that is just perfect for me --

a year of intention and love and possibilities and friends and creation and completion and adventures and awesomeness!

i don't take any purchase lightly right now - you know, cause i'm sorta totally super not-rolling in the dough right now - i gave a lot of thought to this and in the end my heart just called and called - she didn't want to be ignored and she wanted this guidebook as her starting point - i'm totally stoked i listened - i have yet to be steered wrong so off i go to print out my guidebook pages and then i'm gonna paste them into a good old fashioned composition book - love those composition books <3

here's what Goddess Leonie has to say about her Goddess Guidebook for 2012:

"The 2012 Creating your Goddess Year workbook, planner & calendar is an incredibly popular & useful tool to help you plan out & make happen your most incredible year yet. Over the last three years, thousands of women have used this workbook with the most amazing results. It’s the best planning tool available to help you make your year more inspiring than ever.

It’s filled with over 100 pages of worksheets & a printable calendar to help you dream, manifest, set your intentions, plan & cultivate your amazing new year. The workbook has been lovingly handwritten & rainbow illustrated… perfect for you to print out, soak up the rainbow colours of & get thoroughly inspired by!

You’ll get clarity on what you need 2012 to be. What you want to create during it. And most importantly, how to make it happen."

how are you preparing for the new year? and for letting go of this year? i'm super curious about the ways and the whys of intentional creation

love yourself

2011-12-03T06:56:00.000-08:00

love yourself
cause you are wonderful

"I've never FOOLED anyone. I've let people fool THEMSELVES. They didn't bother to find out WHO and WHAT I was. Instead they would INVENT a character for me. I wouldn't argue with them. They were obviously loving somebody I WASN'T."
~ Marilyn Monroe ~

it is so time

2011-11-27T08:57:00.001-08:00

Maya has been a good, good friend ... we will miss her ... we wish her well

2011-11-11T19:29:00.000-08:00

Maya has been such a good friend to us all and especially to Bryn. a million times we fell short of being the humans she deserved and yet she always loved us. always.

she has also been aging rapidly since this past summer. problems with bladder control. problems with her vision. problems with increased pain and fatigue.

last night it became clear to us that it was time to let her move one. to let her be free of her ills and begin her next adventure.

and so today she got hot dogs and a walk and cuddles and bryn brushed her and did her nails one last time.

and then we took her to the vet and were with her while she was released from this life. it was terribly, horribly sad and yet also beautiful as well.

and my kids were amazing and present and matt as well. and we cried and said our goodbyes. and now we stay behind to miss her and celebrate her life.

she loved to go "bye bye in mom's car" so much :)

love the beach - but only chest deep
she LOVED the snow
a good dear friend
<3

expert shortcuts?

2011-11-10T06:20:00.000-08:00

just read 23 Incredibly Useful Insights on Shortcuts to Becoming an Expert. good stuff - get you thinking stuff.

here is the stuff that got me thinking the most here in the momoment

"Give yourself no other options.
Experiment, measure, untether.
Over and over again.
Until something works."
Ev Bogue

"But I think there’s a connection expertise too. That comes from goihttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifng horizontal rather than vertical. It’s about knowing a little about a lot, and finding wisdom in how things connect in new and different ways."
Michael Bungay Stanier
http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
"Being called an expert depends way less on what you actually know and way more on people’s impression of you. When you stroll into a situation and confidently assert your thoughts on the situation and have a charming personality, you can become the expert for that group, even when you consider yourself to have average knowledge."
Benny Lewis

"Personally, I found a different approach worked far better – letting people know that I WASN’T an expert, but that I WAS the go-to guy for beginnhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifers. Allow me to explain – Let’s say you’re an 3 on a scale of 1-10 as far as your expertise goes in a certain field. Rather than pretending you’re a ten – which is dishonest and can get you in a heap of trouble depending on how much you’re faking – instead work on becoming an expert to the 1′s and 2′s…to them you ARE an expert. Now, as you get more readers, clients, and customers…your level of expertise can slowly climb to 4, 5, 6 while you learn more and do more reearch…and so on. As it climbs, you can become an expert to a larger group of people.

So, don’t worry about becoming a 10 in your field, or waiting to take any action until you are a 10. Become proficient, and then put your focus on helping those who are below you. This will allow you to take action more quickly, help out more people, and start climbing your way up the expert ladder while still providing an honest and valuable service."
Steve Kamb

"When it’s sink or swim, you’re incredibly motivated to become expert at something."
Danielle LaPorte

calling all computer geeks

2011-11-06T10:25:00.001-08:00

i am needing some smarts assistance please!

my laptop - only 6 months has been having problems since Sept. - getting so slooooooowwwwww it might as well be 10 yrs old sometimes :(

seriously uncool

late Sept i actually uploaded and backed-up everything on my hard and did a complete hard drive wipe and reboot - at least i think it did ;P

lately it sounds like the fan is running 80-90% of the time which has been a worry inducing change.

but then Fri night i climbed the stairs to Eli's room and got all cozy on his bed and we enjoyed come minecraft adventuring together (sidenote: the more i play minecraft the more i enjoy it!) and my laptop got super scary hot.

i mean like i could feel the heat through the leftside of the keyboard. and then my screen went black - that was freaky! i put it away for the night, afraid it had died...

last night i again climbed the stairs to Eli's room and got all cozy and began adventuring (and died w/ all this stuff i had mined on me - boo for that).

again it got super, super hot and so i shut it down. i had been playing less than 30 mins ya'll! i had it on this large book i use for a laptop table so overheating because of being on my lap was NOT the problem.

it got SO HOT that at the back where the top and base are hinged together was almost too hot to touch without pain. what is going on?!?

so, i'm hoping for help and/or answers. it is under warranty still - though w/ four weeks left in Fall quarter i really don't want to give it up for service - i will if i have to.

mine is an HP Pavilion g6 series if that helps.

also, most of the time when i try to shut it off these days it'll warn me that a program is still open and ask if i want to shut it down before turning off - except that the place where it says it is showing me which program is open is completely blank....

i am tired of wearing glasses

2011-11-01T12:32:00.000-07:00

it was my birthday Sunday - my 40th birthday no less.

earlier this month i got bi-focals and i can not stand them at.all

they make me dizzy and nauseous and they screw my posture up if i try to wear them while working on the computer so i am not a happy camper.

in truth, i have taken to only wearing them when i read my textbooks or Bible - they are that uncomfortable to wear. so i have been considering switching over to prescription readers instead.

really though i am unhappy with both of these choices because it confounds me that so many of us have vision problems. from an evolutionary standpoint it makes no sense at all.

and, yes, i did read about the study showing a correlation between time spent outdoors and lower eye problems in children.

only after reflecting on it had i remembered how i was outside from dawn to dusk almost everyday as a child and yet i ended up with glasses by the 7th grade so the theory that tv and computer screens are the cause doesn't add up for me.

and then a friend on facebook sent some links about vision training and that got me curious and thinking some more.

the eyes, after all, are a muscle - why can't they be trained and rebuilt?

and even though i'm so totally broke right now i did get gifted $50 for my birthday - i spent $16 on some outstandingly adorable vintage clothing items and that left me with $34 ....

and i came across Vision Without Glasses and i was immediately intrigued.

and it was almost exactly the $34 i had left.

so today i decided this was what i wanted to give myself for my birthday. hopefully, the gift of improved vision.

my eye doctor and i have been going back and forth for years with him trying to convince me it is bad for my eye health to take off my glasses and me have that intuitive knowledge that says take them off - i'm super curious to find out what my intuition my have been trying to tell me.

so, i'll keep you updated with my progress as i read and work through Vision Without Glasses and hopefully the whole bi-focals vs. readers will soon be a moot point!

what about you? i would love to hear if you have any thoughts and/or experience with alternatives to glasses!

i gots some gratitudes. yep, sure do!

2011-10-25T05:43:00.000-07:00

in light of my last post i want to focus on some things that i am grateful for right now...

friends near* and far and new** and some i'd like to get to know*** better & more thx to facebook

coffee first thing in the morning

these people who call me mom >3

cheesy mashed potatoes

sunshine and also the sound of rain as i fall asleep

a new family favorite show

this song and this one too

a comfy couch and laptop for days when horizontal is the must have accessory ;)

the occasional Chai latte breve @ starbucks -love 'em

math when i get it

learning in general

kittens in my arms

hugs from my kids

chocolate - dark and gluten free

my carrot cake - now gluten free and better than ever

* i'm thinking of you dear *B >3 - sorry we couldn't hang out today after all
** hey there BIO buddy!
*** hey Rach :)

it's not ok... yet

2011-10-23T17:47:00.000-07:00

i got a private message from a facebook friend asking how i'm doing today.

i almost answered with 'fine' or 'good' or some other kinda nonsense that says nothing is isn't actually even true. i wanted to it to be true. i need it to be true.

but it's not.

i miss friends who betrayed and abandoned me.
i miss being part of a partnership.
i miss waking up w/out pain or aches.
i miss having a Faith that felt unshakeable.
i miss feeling like i had control over my life.
i miss being able to trust it will be ok in the end.

i work every.single.day to remember to Trust

to trust friendships more honoring and real are in my future.
to trust partnership is not forever out of my reach.
to trust Faith is there even when i can't seem to feel it.
to trust that pain does not define my Spirit.
to trust that i never had control to begin with.
to trust that i will find my way back into Trust.

i am like little Nemo - i need to just keep swimming...

people do for one another

2011-10-16T11:00:00.000-07:00

two excerpts from a new (to me) blog, both from this post:

"And it’s true; children can be loud, obnoxious, disrespectful and needy. And they can be told so; nine out of ten kids will quit once their behavior is called out. I’m not sure this statistic stays true for adults."

"And in the future I envision for them, for us, this is what people do for one another: show up for each other even when it’s the last fucking thing in the world they want to do. I want a culture that consistently tends to the weakest links’ needs. I want a culture full of people willing to sacrifice their own desires for the sake of a less privileged person’s needs. For this to be possible the whole damn thing has to be built on a deep trust in humanity. Deep trust—isn’t this what childhood should be made of?"

yep.yep. Hello Yes!!!

george carlin + study break = win

2011-10-14T21:03:00.000-07:00

i'm back in school - don't think i've shared that here yet - working to finish up my Associate's degree in March and then... that part is not clear yet.
anyway, i've got some Biology homework kicking my @$$ tonight and needed a break so went wandering youtube looking at George Carlin bits - here is my favorite of the evening hands down:

do you have any favorite George Carlin bits?

a few new pieces added to my RedBubble site

2011-10-09T17:51:00.000-07:00

i am in love with this image -
trying to figure out exactly how i want to enjoy it here in our home -
any spiffy of how/where/what ideas ya'll?

my RedBubble site

i'm not entirely sure how she got this grown up

2011-10-02T18:23:00.000-07:00

but she has...

she and her boyfriend, Matt, went to the homecoming dance at his high school last night - senior year - as in she's turning 18 next year

as in time moves far faster than the speed of light it seems

at least in relation to how quickly a little baby girl becomes a young woman

and, yes, her dress was really that beautiful - stunning actually

removing/killing bees anyone?

2011-09-23T06:33:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone -

about a month ago we noticed some bees making a home inside the exterior wall of our house - there is a small/tiny piece of siding missing and they go in and out of it all day long

i haven't done anything about it because 1. it is next to Eli's window which is open a lot when it is warm and i don't want to put toxic chemicals near there until it gets cold and his window is shut all the time and 2. Eli's window is on the second floor and i'm pretty darn freaked about being that high up on a ladder!

this morning Eli discovered two bees in his room buzzing around.

in fact they woke him up at 6am - ouch, NOT a fun wake up experience for him :(

so it seems i must put on my *brave face and deal with it now - i'm wondering if ya'll have less toxic suggestions for dealing with them? toxic chemicals are NOT my first choice for things to spray next to my kids window BUT he is NOT ok with them coming in his room (i can't say i blame him) so....

i need ideas please

kids deserve respect and courtesy too

2011-09-09T23:09:00.000-07:00

Laurie Couture wrote up What Teachers Really Need to Hear From Parents

and Sandra Dobson wrote up Homeschooling Parent Responds to Disneys Teacher of the Year

and i'm so not linking to the garbage they're responding to - suffice it to say it's awful and if it were written by a man about how to treat women some massive media sh*t would be hitting the fan - yep, you know it!

ugh. it just makes me sick they way he (and a disgusting amount of other teachers who agree with him) talks about children. just sick and p*ssed off too.

kids matter.

kids should be heard.

kids should be treated with simple human decency!

saturn pics are far out

2011-09-09T11:01:00.000-07:00

NASA’s Cassini orbiter snaps unbelievable picture of Saturn - see it in high-def here

this is way, way cooler than Star Wars cause it's like, um, real

wanna see a Saturn fly-by video composed from real photographs? go here

Learning Not to Fear Impermanence And Uncertainty. by Toni Bernhard

Society for Effectual Change - interesting site - wanna poke around more later

linky loves

2011-09-03T09:13:00.000-07:00

School's out forever for 'unschoolers' When parents are 'facilitators' instead of 'teachers,' home-schooling hits the road

How to Stay a Foodie Family on Food Stamps

NeighborhoodFruit.com "is here to help you find and share fruit locally: both backyard bounty and abundance on public lands."

Why I Am a Buddhist: No-Nonsense Buddhism with Red Meat and Whiskey - i sooo want to read this one!

way, way cool unschooling art gallery

how to set personal boundaries - good stuff - especially after 2 weeks of family visits back to back

Love-Fu: The Martial Art Of Dealing With A Very Challenging Person

"Feeling lost? Just return to the breath"Barriers to Empathy

Stop Putting Down Your Kids! enough said

these look like a blast to make!

easy canvas prints ... pretty neat idea

2011-09-02T09:38:00.000-07:00

i was contacted recently about doing a blog review for easycanvasprints.com - picked out a shot of this massively cool rock i took last summer

ordering was easy - and painless - i am NOT a fan of order processing that make my neck muscles bunch up in frustration at their poor design - and it got here super quick

it's intended location was my bedroom but it has landed in the kitchen - looks like a shot of outer space all blown up and i am enjoying the heck out of it :)

think i'd like to order more later on - some favorite shots of the kids and all - what do you think? do you see a rock, planet or something else altogether?

for grandpa bob

2011-08-30T17:22:00.000-07:00

cause we love you
cause you rock!

cause you are Right On Dude!

cause you are on funny guy :)

cause we are so grateful you got to make it on this trip with the grandmas and we so appreciate all your help this week and, well, just cause

painting out feelings of anger and pain

2011-08-15T17:52:00.000-07:00

saturday there was some family tension which was completely cleared away by bryn asking me to paint with her and then eli walking in and asking to join us. what were we upset about again?

i almost said no when she asked - always having felt i'm not an artist and am no good at painting - but my heart said yes and i listened and obeyed.

a canvas painted mostly black with reds and blues thrown in and bryn, looking thoughtfully at it, asks "who are you made at?".... hmmm....

another page with a bare tree that is blackened and bleeding and eli asks "why is the tree bleeding?"

"that is my broken heart bleeding" i reply - without having consciously thought it threw before speaking and discover that indeed it is.

back to the black page and i sit looking and feeling and listening and then i paint this yellow/white/orange/red cross in the center of the page and realized in the doing that i am mad at God and hurt and feeling unmoored in my my faith more than i had been conscious to

it was intense to put it mildly - affected my entire day sunday causing much tears and a general feeling of being completely raw and found me needing to cancel dinner plans with friends and disappoint eli in the doing -

today i found myself feeling still quite tender - i was blessed to speak with a friend very dear in my heart and came home from work to find bryn had made gluten free chocolate chip cookies and eli was/is at a friends house and bryn has left for the evening - i am done with job hunting for the day - having sent out over 10 resumes and filled out many applications both this morning and just now

on my agenda now?

a beer - cozy chair and an episode of Ugly Betty just for me - me time - that is, after i go rescue bryn who just got passed by her bus(which always sucks!) and is stuck waiting an hour half way between here and her boyfriends house - i'll go take her the rest of the way and then beer,chair,ugly betty :)

my yard has not seen a trim in a while ya'll

2011-08-14T09:33:00.001-07:00

"When my love for my children is louder than any other voice in my head" yes!exactly! Jenna rocks it again :)

rich folks care less than 'regular' folks? interesting. not so much surprising to those of us in the trenches tho ya know.

ways to kill creativity ....

how has it taken me this long to wander across this site?

folks considered giants successes who are college dropouts - i especially like Dell computers being started for only $1,000 - inspires me to keep dreaming and not let that i have no money thing feel like such a giant wall in front of me!

last night i went to bed in an empty house

2011-08-10T07:06:00.000-07:00

last night i went to bed in an empty house - one child being out w/ her beau (that she is old enough to have one makes me feels so damn old it is insane!) and the other at a sleepover - the house felt like a shell.

without them needing me/us as intensely and constantly on point as they used to i must allow ourselves the freedom to be ok and hopefully then even to be amazing.

allowing ourselves time to ourselves just as we give them time to pursue their own interests without us.

allowing ourselves space to redefine our relationships - especially that most important relationship - our relationship with ourself - having so long long been caught up in the little one years now having more self space needing nurturance, acceptance and love as i find my way into this new space in life

allowing ourselves also to grieve those magical earlier years when it felt like the universe had shrunk down to just.us

and then allowing ourselves to revel in the new magical that is ever evolving...

Alice Herz Sommer

2011-08-08T07:29:00.000-07:00

Alice Herz Sommer went to a Nazi concentration camp. Alice Herz Sommer is an optimist.

In the short documentary about her below she is wonderful to learn from. The light of love and life shining in her eyes when she talks about people and music bring light and love into our, the viewers, eyes as well.

Alice says "I love people. I love everyone."

She clearly derives deeply soul satisfaction from her connections and interactions with others. There is a clear lesson for us all - we are born needing connections. Every single one of us needs connections with others - it is part of our humanness.

Later on in the piece she says: "I never hated. Hatred brings only hatred!" Yes! Exactly!

"This helps you when you are optimistic, when you are not complaining, when you are looking at the good side of our life. Everybody loves you."

I've wager everybody loves Alice because she is so filled with light that she draws out the best in them. Who, when confronted with such a smile and such a deep belief in the good in life, would not want to be around her and love her and be in relationship with her?

At 104 she wrote A Garden of Eden in Hell: The Life of Alice Herz-Sommer (disclaimer here) - I'd added it to my list of reading wishes. It's available as a Kindle download - hmmm, now that I've discovered the Kindle app for my laptop that is an interesting option to consider.

I'd love to hear your thoughts/feelings/responses to Alice...

some positive thoughts for the weekend

2011-08-06T07:49:00.000-07:00

Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking
Zig Ziglar

ancientspiral.com has a super interesting article on the Celts

How to Meditate - Ronnie, you are awesome

and i love this (new to me) blog - thanks Jenna for sharing the link

Tacoma webcams - man oh man i do Tacoma! (hit play under the top pic - so cool)

Robin Hood is my hero! dude, i kid you not!

i'd like to go to this if time and budget allows

carrot flowers
the positive to letting my raised bed go this year

National Breastfeeding Week/Month

2011-08-01T18:16:00.000-07:00

and don't forget the Big Latch On!

love is love. that is all

2011-07-26T07:49:00.000-07:00

these pictures made my heart soar so high - so beautiful to live in this time seeing all these barriers being taken down one by one

Happy Birthday Eli

2011-07-18T07:49:00.002-07:00

12 seems so much older than 11 did

Happy Birthday Eli - you are:
* one kick-*$$ zombie hunter - in case of a zombie apocalypse i totally want you to have my back!
* an adventurer
* awesome youth advocate
* so ninja in your logic
* sharer of awesome and funny and way.cool stuff
* thinker of deep and powerful thoughts

and i <3 you and think you rock!

2006

You're Awesome!

the Big Latch On

2011-07-15T08:19:00.000-07:00

On Saturday August 6th 2011 at 10:30am local time in locations across the USA, nursing mothers will gather to celebrate World Breastfeeding Week and try to break the record for the most women breastfeeding simultaneously!

find or create a Big Latch On location near you!

i have good news

2011-07-05T09:04:00.000-07:00

i have good news

i got a job - part time and not all the $ i needed/hoped for - but the mortgage at the least will be covered and depending on tips hopefully more - woot!woot! - i may be about to get off welfare (not that i'm getting rich but tanf seriously pays so close.to.nothing it isn't even funny!)

then i found two nifty sounding positions w/ a local university that are 2 whole days a week and pay more than the above mentioned job PLUS allow me tuition free access to working towards my BA in Psychology - so i totally applied for those - crossing my fingers!

so off to work i go today for my first day - after one of the most stressful, upsetting and exhausting weekends of my entire life - feeling fatigued and sore still and nervous my dear body won't hold up to the demands i must place on it today

and this article crossed my path while sitting in a space of wondering/worrying about today.

and also this article - i'll save it for another day when not so fatigued though

this weekend, btw, i'm not ready to share - we are all safe and in recovery/processing mode still.

70 hours a week UPDATE

2011-06-30T09:00:00.000-07:00

turns out there is a limit to how many credits can be taken at the community college and i have pretty much maxed those out a limit on learning? really?!?

so i met with an adviser there yesterday and she moved some of my classes from one spot to another in my degree audit and i now need 30 credits to get my AA degree - we figured out what classes and when and filled out this 'educational program plan' which, btw, can only be submitted once.ever at that school (no pressure there!) and she sent it off for approval from the fin. aide depart folks.

in this plan i've got no classes till fall and then three 5 credit classes that qtr and the same again in Winter qtr and then i'm out of there and ready for University - holy cow - i am in shock and nervous and scared and excited - mainly in shock still this morning.

this plan also includes 2 PE courses but in her opinion if i meet with the PE chair and show him the all un-magnificent cane and explain the fibro and arthritis he will waive the PE requirements for my AA and University doesn't have any PE req.s - so that is good :)

this means i get to focus on job searching and breathing and relaxing into Trust that this will all be okay - i am freaked not to be getting student loans next week - that $ sure would have been nice right now - i am not a fan of credit card living - but, again, i am trying to remain conscious of the beauty and need to lean into Trust and to just keep swimming...

70 hours a week . that is intense

2011-06-28T13:26:00.000-07:00

i am choosing to keep in mind that “I don’t know what you’re going through.”

please do the same for me.

i spend four hours minimum every day looking for a job. i visit the local employment security division office to turn in the previous days job search log every day and occasionally i stick around for regular meetings with my esd job search counselor

i am scheduled to start class on July 5th - looking over the syllabi for the classes it looks to be about 35-40 hours a week worth of coursework

do the math:

25-30hrs job searching/esd requirements/networking
+35-40hrs coursework

60-70hrs a week

this.is.overwhelming.people

and there seems to have been a snafu on the student fin aide front - a big snafu - ugh.

all this and still i work consciously to maintain enough time with the kids. enough connection-time with them to feed all three of our needs for such vital stuff as playing a game, laughing and talking and attending local events (do love how many outdoor and free events there are locally in the summer!) ... cause them and us and our relationships matter most in all of this time equation ya know?

i shall keep plugging away ...

i choose to 'just keep swimming'...

please don't hit your kids

2011-06-25T09:17:00.000-07:00

a link on facebook this morning brought me to this article:
Make spanking kids illegal: Corporal punishment leads to problems later in life well duh.

i will admit to having been a spanker on occasion many, many years ago - having allowed myself to allow the influence of others into my parenting - it didn't have often but is one of my biggest regrets in life that it ever happened at all.

"Americans need to re-evaluate why we believe it is reasonable to hit young, vulnerable children, when it is against the law to hit other adults, prisoners, and even animals," from cbsnews.com yep.

i share that i had spanked in the past because i want everyone to know that just because you have done something or are doing something you realize is not.good.parenting - does not mean you must continue doing so! change/growth/kindness is always an option!

Dr Sears has 10 Reasons Not to Hit Your Child - good reasons for sure because i truly believe "Spanking is not harmless."

Spanking as a Sex Crime?

Spanking as sexual violation?!? seriously, if a man (or woman) grabbed me against my will and hit me on the rear i could have him/her arrested for sexually assaulting me - why then can we do to this our wee ones/?

Spanking Betrays Trust

alienates the child from the parents. children need and deserve to be able to trust their caregivers to protect them. to love them. to NOT hurt them.

i want my children (and all children) to grow up feeling loved.safe.protected. i want them to grow up understanding that love should never include hitting. i want them to model that in their own lives. i want this to snowball until one day people look back and are shocked and outraged that it was ever considered ok to hit a child.

happy solstice everyone ... let's begin anew

2011-06-21T09:40:00.000-07:00

summer solstice is upon us.

the sun is shining today :)

i am choosing to focus on creating positive space to move forward in.

i am choosing to find inspiration in all sorts of places.

i am choosing love and hope and possibilities ...

~ Happy Summer Solstice ~

global empathy - i feel the possibilities of it

2011-06-19T13:35:00.000-07:00

i love.love.love this message

.

2011-06-16T05:00:00.000-07:00

Gentle words are a tree of life;
a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.
Proverbs 15:4

“What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

today i became a welfare mom

2011-06-15T13:43:00.000-07:00

when we became a household of 3 last friday we also became a family without an income. intense for sure.

so monday i went online and applied for food stamps and cash assistance. tuesday i had a phone interview. today i attended a required orientation for the TANF (cash assistance) at the local dshs office.

the gal facilitating the orientation was friendly, positive and of a cheerleading way - and she walked us through the very detailed and exact steps required to continue receiving TANF.

very detailed steps such as:

* 4 hours daily job search activities

* keeping of a job search log

* daily turning in the previous days log

* weekly meetings with my 'case worker'

all of this for $467 a month - now if that isn't incentive to get a job i don't know what would be!

i've never been the kind of person comfortable w/ hand outs - even accepting help from family and friends is challenging for me - so the idea of staying 'on the dool' for the long haul makes me nausous - i was out for hours yesterday applying for work - and will keep it up.

but no matter how long it does or doesn't take my sense of worth is not tied to this - my value as a person/soul/spirit has no connection to my income and i will continue to focus on being loving and curious and kind and helpful and the best mom i can be. no worries on that :)

cause these awesome kids i have been honored and entrusted to parent are worth whatever it takes to create an amazing life - heck, i deserve it too!

this past friday my husband moved out

2011-06-13T17:50:00.000-07:00

this past friday my husband moved out of the house. it was decided the saturday prior and he decided to act very quickly.

i can't say this was a shocking surprise considering the year we've had.

i can say that i found last week exhausting and overwhelming and frightening.

i can also say that the last few days have been exhausting and overwhelming and frightening and empowering

i can also say i believe we will be ok.

an empty master bedroom

guest post: my son Eli and xbox savings

2011-06-03T05:17:00.000-07:00

Hello,

I'm hoping to get some of your help from all of you amazing people following my mothers blog “P.S. Bohemian” I would really appreciate it if you could help me raise up money to buy myself an XBOX360 and a LCD monitor.

I really want to pursue my dream of someday becoming a youtube commentator and a programmer this gaming system would really help to further that by increasing my knowledge of games and programming Whilst also moving me closer to becoming a youtube commentator and allowing me to buy hardware to record XBOX360 onscreen activity.

I really hope that you all will help me pursue my dreams.

Thank you.

Eli Rogers-

Deb w/ the details: i've created a separate donation location in paypal for Eli's adventure so i can keep track of what is what and let us not forget the all important disclaimer that the Amazon links are affiliates links in which i get a small something-something from Amazon when anything is purchased following one of my links - i really think the disclaimer is obnoxious can ya tell? i feel like most of us reading blogs know this stuff by now and who cares anyway - but don't want to get in trouble w/ da feds!

can only women be feminists?

2011-06-02T15:10:00.000-07:00

today my youngest son asked me: "can only women be feminists?"

i was thrown for a loop for a minute - i have to admit to having personal discomfort with the word feminist - due almost entirely to encounters at NOW meetings 17yrs ago and some pretty narrow minded women who i let color a term all these years

so i went in search of answers, points of view, and feel much richer for my reading and viewing,,,

Eli, i deeply appreciate the opportunity to expand my point of view and learn from others - here is a little of what i read today:

in an article titled Roles of Men with Feminism and Feminist Theory Brian Klocke writes: "Sexism negatively impacts men by forcing them into a hyper-masculinity which engages high-risk behavior and limits their emotional expression as full human beings." this touched me as i see this harm being done to my sons by patriarchy and recognize that both sexes must be free to be individuals and not stereotypes of their own sex.

and over at Jezebel.com i found Can A Man Be A Feminist? with a photo of a current fav of Eli, comedian Andy Samberg. it's a good read with good links

the wiki page titled Men and Feminism is quite extensive

so, Eli, to answer your question, it seems that there is no clear answer and you will have to decide for yourself if you want to use the label Feminist, ProFeminist or something else altogether. whatever you use to do - please know that as a woman (and obviously as your mom) i am blessed to know a young man who cares so deeply about social issues and has such passion for making the world a better place - seriously honored to be in your life.

btw, how awesome is Universal timing that puts that video in my facebook feed while i'm reading up on Eli's question?!?

love.love.love

2011-06-01T05:11:00.000-07:00

Gluten Free Fish and Chips and an Awesome Dinner Companion

2011-05-27T19:01:00.000-07:00

eli and i are deeply enjoying our time in Vancouver - house sitting and attending Life is Good - last night we went out to eat at the Hawthorne Fish House - the entire flippin menu is gluten-free i kid you not...

so absolutely lovely to spend face to face time with friends i've only known online before - and making new friends is super spiffy too - the button making funshop was too fun for words (note to self: you really want to get one of those button making machines someday!) - and discovering i love, love, love eating jalapeno's on my cheese fries was pretty sweet too :)

that was over flowing w/ jalapeno's before i had my way with it ;)

Misty Island Armory

2011-05-22T10:26:00.000-07:00

Heather over at Swiss Army Wife has some really spiffy jewelry she's making - my two favs this morning are the Shaggy Earrings and the Japanese Flower Chain Maille Earrings - she makes artisan gluten-free cupcakes and awesome jewelry - this gal is a rockstar!

seriously cool stuff - please go check it out yourself before you miss out on the awesomeness :)

yep, we are totally going to LiG - totally

2011-05-21T10:06:00.000-07:00

yesterday i opened myself up to the universe by reaching out and asking for help getting me and Eli to the Life is Good conference - scary and empowering in spades!

this morning i am amazed and feeling so infinitely blessed to say - we're going!

after publishing the post i did a last email check before heading out the door to pick up a child's friend for a sleepover and discovered that a family had canceled their trip to LiG and asked that their tix be gifted to another family - seriously, we got the scholarship - woot.woot. :)

that was pretty fan-flippin-tastic all on its own.

this morning a late start after an evening of fire pit and fellowship that fed my soul and logged into paypal - and discovered that we have been blessed with almost exactly what i calculated we'd need for gas and that fun fund of adventures for Eli - seriously - almost.exactly!!

so we're going - it's gonna be awesome - i'm feeling awesome this morning - full of love and support and possibilities and excitement - a big Thank You to our adventure fairies for sprinkling magic dust on our lives a great big ol' Thank You

Please Help Send Us to Life is Good

2011-05-20T13:05:00.000-07:00

Eli and i want to go to the Life is Good conference in Vancouver next week - really, really we do! i didn't get clarity on how right it feels to attend this year or how much my heart wants to go until the couple of weeks - well past the deadline for scholarships (tho @ the suggestion of a friend i asked just in case there was that option).

anywho, i have been looking through the checkbooks and it just ain't gonna fly - and i was about to give up and head upstairs to deliver the most disappointing news to Eli when an idea popped into my head - the idea of asking all of you for help.

now, i have to admit asking for help is not something i generally want to do - yesterday as i reread the first 3 chapters of Tara Wagner's awesome ebook Digging Deep and then went through the writing exercise i saw coming up strongly my discomfort w/ asking for help - not in little bits but loud and clear as something ready to be worked on and released.

so when the idea of asking for help came to me I thought about my work yesterday on Digging Deep and i also thought about Kelly who previously had asked for help getting notbooks for her sweet kiddos and so here i am - working through my discomfort and growing a bit more me in the act.

the sweet news is that we have a place to stay so are needing only to raise funds for the costs of attending, gas and, hopefully, a wee bit of fun funds cause Eli really wants to eat out a time or two while we're there -

Paypal Donation Removed

eli is especially excited about the Minecraft funshop and the skateboarding funshop - i am most excited about the chance to spend real face to face time with some of the awesome friends i've made online and to be in a community of like minded parents - parents who love their kids as equals and as fellow travelers and co-conspirators of fun :)

so if your heart calls you to and your budget allows you too - please consider helping send me and this awesome kid to Life is Good

My First Redbubble Sale!

2011-05-16T19:09:00.000-07:00

wow! i am so excited and tickled to share with you that i have made my first sale on RedBubble - for this photo actually

i had the biggest grin when i found out - and to think i haven't uploaded anything onto my RedBubble site since last fall - truly feeling grateful this evening - very, very grateful :)

Digging Into Digging Deep Workbook

2011-05-15T08:45:00.000-07:00

Tara over at The Organic Sister recently released Digging Deep and I bought my copy of Digging Deep as soon as it became available and, ahem*, dug right in :)

Ran right through to chapter 3 - and then, as often can happen in these sorts of things, hit a roadblock and took a break.

And you know what? That is perfectly and totally ok. Sometimes when we are doing deep Spirit/Soul/Life work we need to take breaks - let our unconscious self process things before we move on. If we force the issue - if we insist that we move forward at some predetermined pace our work will often be fractured and incomplete and our results will prove that.

So I rest - and occasionally re-read my notes from the first three chapters - and await with anticipation the time when I get the call to begin Digging Deep again - I trust it will happen and am content to let the "invisible" work continue at its own pace...

For now I leave you with two of my favorites quotes from Digging Deep so far:

"Lean into the process. Lean into love. Lean into life and growth and expansion."

" There is nothing “wrong” with you.
I don’t care what labels you’ve been given, or who has told you otherwise. Fundamentally - at your authentic core - you are whole and well."

The other day I listened to these first 3 chapters again - yep, listened because Tara has the whole shebang on audio too - listened while folding laundry - such a cool way of further integrating what I'm processing.

Thank you, Tara, for creating such a wonderful and amazing resource for all of us!

Click here to view more details

the links this post are affiliate links - what that means is if you click through and buy Digging Deep using these links i earn something for sharing the word about this amazing workbook - you pay not one cent more than you otherwise would - Tara pays affiliate earnings out of her end of things - so, no worries, costs you nothing except maybe being stuck in a rut :) .... for more info read my disclaimer

have u already bought Digging Deep? I would love to hear your thoughts on it!

my etsy shop - not quite the experience i expected

2011-04-07T06:15:00.000-07:00

i've all but abandoned my little etsy shop - wasn't my thing - the whole scouring the thrift stores for treasures to resell it, well, took all the fun out of treasure hunting and was stressful - who knew!

i love etsy - i love seeing and sometimes buying the cool and interesting and amazing stuff i see going on over there - but, at least for now, no more vintage resale for me

it's good to try stuff and even better to be willing to see when things aren't working - step back, evaluate choices and change direction - very good to change direction every now and then - even if just to see what's around that corner coming up

ya never know - your next "big time" might be around the corner - wonder what's around mine?....

i am the mother of a 20 year old today ... he is one cool guy!

2011-03-29T08:30:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday my first son
I love you
I am proud of you
I like you that you are

inspiration mondays ... can i quote you on that...

2011-03-28T06:52:00.000-07:00

“Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living the result of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinion drowned your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
– Steve Jobs

“It is never too late to be what you might have been.”
– George Eliot

“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”
—Lao-Tze

"Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain."
~Author Unknown

"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt"
- Shakespeare

wander-ful linky love

2011-03-25T11:00:00.000-07:00

Dionna recently posted 101 Things To Do Instead of Yelling or Spanking it is full of great ideas

The Love Experiement

"The truth is that most Americans are absolutely dependent on someone else giving them a job." says an article titled The Middle Class in America Is Radically Shrinking. Here Are the Stats to Prove it

rice rice baby

How-To: Make Your Own Pea Trellis

http://thinkexist.com/quotes/dalai_lama/3.html

http://www.loveyourenemies.org/

a few homeschooling links ...

2011-03-20T23:05:00.000-07:00

some links about homeschooling that were making the rounds --- thoughts to think about and all that good stuff...

Who Should Homeschool?...

Who Should NOT Homeschool?....

Profiles of Adults Who Were Passion Driven Students - Their Secret? They Didn’t Go To School.

got any links to share? plz do :)

seventeen years ago today ... a blessing began

2011-02-01T07:52:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Brynna!

seventeen years ago one of my absolute all time favorite people in the world was born and I continue to feel blessed she calls me mom.

i could sing her accolades all day:

she's whimsical, adorable, smart, funny, intense, beautiful, curious, ingenious, geeky (we like geeky here!), strong, loyal, encouraging, trustworthy, impassioned, romantic, adventurous, awesome

me stylish? that's news to me :)

2011-01-24T09:39:00.000-08:00

Sweet Cam over at The Free Spirit Chronicles has given me a bloggy award

and the gesture is so sweet and dear that i'm gonna play along - sorta :P

i'm gonna follow rules 1 and 2 - that's it and all and that is just fine and ok (hope ya agree w/ me Cam!). what are rules 1 and 2 you ask? as given to me by Cam they are:
1.) Thank & Link the person who awarded you.
2.) Share 7 things about yourself.

so 7 things about little ol' me huh? let's see...

1. i love, love, LOVE hanging out w/ family and friends - love it!

2. gluten may be my foe but oh how i long for, no, desperately miss cream cheese danishes - especially the ones from Pioneer Bakery!

3. i've started baking from scratch again - more misses than successes so far but loads of encouragement from my sweet family - at this point in the game they seem to have more faith in my ability to be a successful gluten-free baker than i do (thanks you guys!)

4. the sound of Ewan McGregor's voice - yep, totally have had a crush since the first time i saw Moulin Rouge

5. am coffee and tea free in the mornings - am actually feeling better for it a bit - not that i'm planning on never having coffee again - i'm actually not planning either way - will have some when/if i have some :)

6. i might become a crazy cat lady when i grow up

7. i am not a big (or even little) fan of the bloggy awards - but am a fan of Cam - she's a dear bloggy friend - really too bad we live on opposite ends of the country :( so i decided to play along - does this count as my once yearly playing along w/ bloggy awards o' bloggy universe? :)

Cavemen were actually pretty awesome unschoolers

2011-01-21T08:02:00.000-08:00

caveman make better parents? yep. of course they do! here's a small quote from the article:

Early societies had better ideas about being a parent than many 21st century families, according to Professor Darcia Narvaez.

Read more here

Wordless Wednesday ... crazy kitten driving me a bit crazy some days as well

2011-01-12T06:10:00.000-08:00

and through it all sits Trixie wondering why we ever let this creature in our home

City U supports life learning huh? neat.

2011-01-11T10:18:00.000-08:00

recently seen ad on the side of a bus:

"Reading is the most velocious way to ameliorate your vocabulary."

sounds like a great catch phrase for unschoolers/life learners huh? turns out the ad is for City University in Seattle - seems a bit ironic to me. there were more as well - you can check them out here

sweet.

inspiration mondays ... all about the good life

2011-01-03T06:58:00.000-08:00

40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain - letting go? a good thing (usually). less pain? a good thing. - thanks Jenna for sending me the link

Send Happiness? well, i think it sounds like a lovely idea myself!

Tara has shared 11 Permissions for 2011 - sweetness here my friends and please check out the comments as well!

Jeff, who by the way is far, far more than *Just A Bald Man, posted Defending the Status Quo seriously brilliant stuff there - cause the good life is full of awareness ya'll!

and if you haven't found your way over to Hyperbole and A Half ya may want to today to find out about The Year Kenny Loggins Ruined Christmas

tuesday's to-do list and a recap

2010-12-07T07:40:00.000-08:00

got our tree up - quite lovely - all pushed into a corner for stability due to one crazy kitten - was so nice to put on the Christmas music and see it come together - and the tree is still standing this morning - i am ever so hopeful it will remain so!

bryn and i had a most excellent time yesterday - a fun stop at the coffee shop for some treats - a thrifting trip that yielded many sweet scarfs for her and i and a rainbow belt for her - picked up 21 books at the library (oh my!) - some girly-girl shopping for new makeup for her which was much fun for us both and a trip to the office supply store - a favorite for the both of us where she found a binder with Notre Dame on the cover (memories galore for her there!) and i found a spiffy new pen in tangerine orange :)

so what's on the list for today?...

hopefully a little gluten-free baking w/ a new flour mix i recently bought - a stop at a sporting goods store to pick up a new little pocket knife for my dear Husband - a trip to Barnes & Noble w/ bryn to check out the nook in person - yep. me of all people is considering one of these and the kindle will not let me check out e books from the library so it's out -

no idea yet where the funds for it would materialize from - but i have faith that if i decide upon it will happen sooner or later - i do have a bit of cash i got for a birthday gift and will get more for Christmas - and ??? strangely i'm not worried about it - i just know it'll all work out in the end - the only thing that does intimidate me is going through the library catalog of e books to confirm the types of books i'm often wanting to read would be available to me in this format - that feels a bit daunting

the newest expansion came out this morning for World of Warcraft - Eli requested a wake up at 5am to get started on it - it's now 8 and he is completely immersed and having a blast - i hung out for a while when i got up and checked it out - very cool indeed - i imagine it'll be hard to convince to eat today with all this excitement going on :}

i do have to admit to being really intrigued by this whole WoW thing - after much thought and some very helpful conversations with eli i've decided NOT to try it at this time - i have so many other things i am working on and wanting to work on i don't want to get into a game that has such potential for me to spend hours (yep. hours) every.single.day playing it - maybe in the future when i get *everything decluttered and organized - ha!

and in case you missed yesterday's post - i'm having a 33% off everything in my etsy store sale! you'll need to use coupon code "33TILLDEC15"

what's my shop name at etsy?
ps bohemian of course :)

it was a seriously lovely weekend over here.

2010-12-06T08:18:00.000-08:00

started off w/ a really low key and mellow Friday that found us watching Fringe - we are pretty hardcore fans here - and i finally tried one of those gluten-free frozen pizzas - it sucked and all - but hey, at least i tried :}

Sat. found the kids and i on our own - we missed Rick's company but are grateful for the extra hours that field trip brought in

we watched Shaun of the Dead - had a blast laughing - great way to start off our day!

we also watched a couple of episodes of My So-Called Life - Bryn and i especially have been deeply enjoying this series recently.

played some Wii sports - more laughs - had cuddles - love cuddles!

watched Date Night - more laughs and more cuddles.

Bryn got invited to go bowling w/ friends at like 9:30 that night - i was psyched that we have the relationship that enables me to say "sure thing - have fun" instead of freaking out and raining on her parade (and for the record she did have fun)

Sun. i decided to have a sale in my etsy shop - 33% off every freaking thing in there till Dec 15th! if ya want to go shopping please use coupon code: "33TILLDEC15" --- good deals!

i cleaned my desk up - all clear and ready for awesomeness! and watched the SeaHawks actually win a game

and Bryn made us dinner - spaghetti w/ ground buffalo and gluten-free pasta - yep. i had my first spaghetti dinner in over 6 months and it was so good i went back for seconds - and, unlike in my gluteny days, i didn't hurt or feel like i would pass out from exhaustion after eating it - woot!

and to top off such a good weekend we played chicken toes/feet - i had the pleasure of seeing Eli being so much more calm and in control of himself - was able to see visible signs of maturing since we last played that game many months prior.

so it was lovely and i'm off soon to run a few good errands w/ my dear daughter and then come home and make a roast chicken for dinner and we shall (in the words of said daughter) *finally go get a Christmas tree when Rick gets home.

wordless wednesday ... she's a super freak

2010-12-01T09:46:00.000-08:00

what?!? who says i can't reach Trixie's food...heehee.

for more Wordless Wednesday posts click here

loving these local Pierce County etsy peeps - woot!

2010-11-28T14:30:00.000-08:00

such nifty stuff right here in my wonderful neighborhood!
you can see them all at my "loving these local Pierce County peeps - woot!" etsy treasury

inspiration mondays ... just keep swimming

2010-11-22T09:12:00.000-08:00

as part of Tara's Inspiration Mondays thing...

"laughing is something beautiful!" Alice on the eve of her 107th birthday inspires me deeply

i can only hint at how much i needed to read this today

Pixie Polly offered up these up - i need them

faerwillow posted some words to ponder a while back - i searched them out again this morning to see forward possibilities

yep. remembering this inspires me

and this inspires me in that way that only ugly scary truths can

and inspires, and a bit intimidated, to see this come up again, again, and again. i would love to read your thoughts/insights as to Tarot cards and Christianity - this is a touchy subject for me and yet one i must explore again

and, in the end, a few quotes to begin my week

my RedBubble shop is having a sale till Nov. 14

2010-11-09T11:59:00.000-08:00

till Nov. 14th there is 15% off my RedBubble shop offerings
here's the code:

DebRogers_is_on_sale_5784

so please consider visiting and checking out my first offerings

inspiration mondays ... music, friends, *real men, and creating

2010-11-08T10:46:00.000-08:00

my two favorite songs at the moment - bryn by Vampire Weekend and little lion man by Mumford and Sons both part of a cd Bryn made me for my birthday last weekend and i have been listening to over. and over. and over again. - thanks again for the cd Bryn!!!

been wanting to begin again learning to sew and was so inspired by the simple and adorable shirt Polly over at Pixie Mama made

also inspiring me to get out my sewing machine and figure the darn thing out are this skirt and this skirt and this skirt and this dress and this skirt and this bag and this bag ... see? i really want to make my own stuff!!!!

and been totally inspired by my new little Cuisinart i got last Thurs. - i've used it at least once each day so far - making hummus and other dips and salad dressing and the smoothest guac. that was like velvet to top my salad with - so yummy - loving this little burst of help to improve my eating habits yet again!

Single Dad Laughing posted Worthless women and the men who make them. it kinda blew my mind and at the same time pissed me off - cause, yeah, men are such a part of the problem we women have in loving ourselves and the idea that too, too many men will dismiss what he says or not even bother to read it is, well, indicative of the problem

wordless wednesday ... scenes from my birthday

2010-11-03T08:42:00.000-07:00

for more Wordless Wednesday posts click here

On the Eve of My Birthday I Work On Loving Myself ... Deeply and Truly

2010-10-29T06:47:00.000-07:00

it's my birthday tomorrow - for me this has caused a lot of introspection - i think more so than in past recent years - much more so - who am i? is she who i have always longed to be? and, in the areas where i disappoint my earlier self - why am i different?

i've never fit in with the larger crowd (see pic. from jr. high for proof of that!) - there have been many, many moments where i've longed too and far too many moments where i've attempted to be like a 'regular' girl - even in my 30's - and coming to see that - coming to see my fiery Spirit - my truth seeking self - my passionate Soul that loves those closest to her so deeply and intensely it makes me feel raw and has left me vulnerable to betrayal too many times -

i need to be her in all the truth and beauty and dorkiness and intensity and curiosity and love that she was created to be - i need to strip away anything that serves to hide me from myself and the world - i need to be realer and rawer and truer than ever before - this is scary

that's me on the left from, i think, 1985. i can easily love her - she has flaws and foibles and is far from perfect - just like me today...

btw, on the right is my best friend from jr. high - Nita - who i lost contact with going on 20 years ago and recently she found me on facebook - and it turns out she only lives a couple of hours ago! - seriously! i am so blessed/happy/overjoyed we are back in each others lives and so excited to see her tomorrow at my birthday party - seriously too cool! (and i get to meet the man she married - seeing how wonderful a Spirit she is i'm ready to meet one heck of a cool guy!)

what gets trickier is when i think of that sweet little baby girl being held so tenderly by her dear Grandma - i don't recognize that as me anymore - that sweet little baby would never get snarky or bitchy or judgmental.

that little baby knew almost nothing of fear and pain and disappointment - she knew nothing of failure and success and dreamed left behind and new dreams i almost don't yet dare to dream

she knew she was loved and nothing else mattered - and i imagine if she could have articulated it - she would have told you she loved herself - she had never been taught any reason(s) not to - it simply would not have occurred to her - love was her language and she spoke it fluently

i want to reconnect with her - i want to speak fluently in the language of love again - i want to exist in a space where i don't know judgments against myself and don't practice them against others (but, really, it's the self-judgments that do the most damage in our lives i think)

i want to re-learn how to live fully in each moment - because i doubt that sweet little baby girl was thinking of what she 'had' to do next, or 'should' be doing instead - she was just being and i want/need/long to have that again - more and more - not the bits i get because i work on them - because i remind myself that playing scrabble with Bryn matters more than making dinner or that talking about WoW with Eli matters more than laundry - because having to work on it means i am aware of it - always there in the back of my mind.

and i want to re-learn that my needs are perfect and true and forget how to judge myself when my needs don't match up to my personal expectations - such as when i need to rest for an hour after a short bit of work - i would much rather exist in an emotional/spiritual place that doesn't include having to tell myself it's okay - because i simply know/believe/trust it is okay

so that is my personal birthday wish for myself this year ...

inspiration mondays ... photos, baking, my kids, and these here interwebs

2010-10-25T07:34:00.001-07:00

the photography of Gary McParland is inspiring and stunning and takes me to another dimension all together

thanks to an unexpected gift i have been inspired to begin learning how to bake again - this time gluten-free baking. yesterday i was blessed by being able to make bunches of cookies to gift to my dear Kimmie to honor her birthday - even if i did forget the egg in the chocolate chips :}

this week i hope to continue re-learning how to bake - my local grocery store recently put all of it Bob's Red Mill gluten-free products on sale at 40% off so i now had quite the assortment of g-f flours to begin my education with!

Bryn has inspired me with her amazing strength and willingness to be herself - even when she fears it will disappoint me. she has decided to return to public high school for various reasons which are her own to share - not to stay home and not to get her GED and go to college or do the running start program - she has examined her mind/heart/spirit and decided this is her current best path - and i am honored to support her in her choices and have vowed to ensure she never again feels like i will be disappointed in her for following her path - because i want nothing more than for her to follow her path - boldly, honestly, and in peace.

love that Kai, Eli and i can explore topics together - Kai recently told me about this book and it arrived from the library last week - Eli has begun reading it - he is excited about what he's reading and also telling me how cool it is to discover he likes reading non-fiction (yep, i like it too my sweet sons!) and i eagerly wait for my turn to read it

been reading a bit of John Robbins newest book but it isn't holding my attention so i think i'll give it one more shot today to pull me in and then move on - a while back a friend gave me a parenting book (which in truth i'm not sure i'll care for) - think i'll finally give it a chance after this read - perhaps there are gems in there for me and i want to honor the heart of the friend who gifted it to me by at least giving it a chance to speak to me

on these here interwebs i'm finding inspiration through things such as:

Bishop Spong has written A Manifesto! The Time Has Come! in it he says: "Justice postponed is justice denied". yes! yes! i wholeheartedly agree!

Positive Quotes about ADD - more of these please!

i would so like letter stamps so i can make these - they make me so happy to look at :)

and, lastly, enjoying again the absolute beauty that is e.e. cummings poetry - here is my all time favorite line ever:
"and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows" seriously - though my second favorite line (really, it's a few lines) i find myself often saying while in prayer:
"i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky"

and please, if you haven't already, head over to Tara's post to see her inspirations and others as well

erring as is human and everyone - kids included - should be allowed errs with loving forgiveness given freely

2010-10-21T05:54:00.000-07:00

we have so thoroughly been enjoying this show - first it was just Eli and myself but then Bryn caught a few minutes and she was in too - it's a perk of trusting my children and allowing them to follow their interests - it's about a vampire, a werewolf, and a ghost who live together, helping each other in their own personal journeys .

definitely a perk of choosing to trust my children and allow/encourage them to follow their own interests - because this is not something i would on my own have watched - Eli saw a commercial and asked if i'd watch an episode with him in case it was too scary to watch alone.

i did and that was that - we've been going through it from episode one and having a blast - and a whole bunch of stimulating conversations about things like being locked into ones' own nature or can people overcome urges they have that they don't want to act on (i.e. can a vampire 'go clean'?).

UPDATE NOTICE: i forgot to mention we would have rated this series as PG-13 rated - it can be pretty intense - but we just watched disc 3 of season 2 and have all agreed that was an R rated intense experience - very much like a horror movie at times.

conversations which, in my mind, are of great value to a child - every single one of us is going to face moments in our lives when we feel an urge to act in a way that goes against the person we want to be - every.one.of.us - and exploring with him now in a non-personal and non-preachy environment - how we can face these times and how sometimes we will be able to resist these urges and sometimes we won't be able to - and, more importantly to me, how important forgiving ourselves when we fall short of who/what/how we want to be is and also how important making amends is when the situation calls for it.

this is the kind of thinking/talking/philosophizing all of us need to do - and i am honored to walk this journey with him while he explores these concepts and applies them to his everyday life - ya know, real life situations such as this example:

i was cranky about being interrupted from WoW by your question and so i snapped at you and now i feel badly because i want to be a kind and gentle man and yet i failed this time and i'm sorry and here i am empathizing because the day before i was interrupted mid-thought while typed and got snippy myself and we're all just human and forgiveness for that affliction of humanity is shared and hugs and smiles and back to WoW with a relaxed and peaceful mood he goes

such good times when we can mess-up and know we are forgiven and know we are not 'bad' or 'evil' or a 'failure' but simply a human being - erring as is human and that forgiveness is close at hand and let's move forward now back into peace together - pretty cool beanz in my book.

Wordless Wednesday ... hey mom, wanna play Battleship? ummm, you betcha...

2010-10-20T05:36:00.000-07:00

during which game i was regaled with tales
and descriptions from his adventures this morning in Wow

for more Wordless Wednesday posts click here

please, please "give yourself a chance to see how much better life will get"

2010-10-19T06:00:00.000-07:00

"...give yourself a chance to see how much better life will get."
said Fort Worth City Councilman Joel Burns this video ...
it is incredibly inspiring and touching

a few resources for anyone in need of them:

Monday Meanderings ... all about boundaries edition - here's mine, where are yours?!?

2010-10-18T05:56:00.000-07:00

Sex Talk: A comic about communication, consent, & getting’ it on (part one of three)

Oprah.com has some good tools for discerning your own personal boundaries

Essential Life Skills.net has some really good info - i especially like their "Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries ... a few of which are:
~ Going against personal values or rights in order to please others.
~ Feeling bad or guilty when you say no.
~ Touching a person without asking." the whole list is great though and i encourage you to read it - it's about half way down the first/opening page on their site

"YOU MUST CHAMPION YOUR PERSONAL BOUNDARIES" says amy-eden over at GUESS WHAT NORMAL IS (i love that name)

Personal Boundaries By Tony Schirtzinger

UrbanMonk asks "The logical progression, then – what exactly are boundaries?"

Della Ratcliff has a good series on personal bounderies - i especially like the post here about how to tell if you are crossing other peoples' personal boundaries

"There are two kinds of boundaries we use when dealing with people--the boundaries we use when we don't have awareness, and the boundaries we use when we do have awareness." don Miguel Ruiz has some major wisdom on personal boundaries here and here

wordless wednesday... animal kiddos

2010-10-13T05:42:00.000-07:00

Naturally Gluten-Free Yummies WW over at The Gluten-Free Bohemian

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it's all zen --- the Zen of Zombie that is and how freeing it can be to abandon projects midway through!

2010-10-12T09:16:00.000-07:00

i read through this little book last night - laughing out loud over and over - climbing the stairs to visit Bryn saying "can i read you something - it's too funny!" and then laughing again when i read it to her. a laugh was just what was needed to end my evening with (isn't that just about always true). there was, peppered in amongst drawings of zombies that were too funny, some good philosophical stuff in there - Eli was sitting next to me while i was reading and he kept finding himself peeking over and checking it out too.

some snippets for your enjoyment and pondering:

"Being like a zombie is great. When you wake up in the morning, you can do whatever you want. You have no boss. You have no deadlines that you, yourself, don't impose...."

"Habit 2: Play to Your Strengths.
"In short, the zombies remind us ... you don't need to be "normal" by anyone's standards but your own" --- that is golden!

"Habit 5: Slow Down! (You Move Too Fast).
"...When you move slowly, you're apt to notice more of what's going on around you. You'll be more observant and take a lot more away from the experiences you have. ... If you're a slow-moving type, go ahead and be slow. Let the world adjust to you, not the other way around." --- as a frequent slow mover i wholeheartedly agree with this sentiment - but would add it's okay to speed up every now and then when you must - just remember to slow back down in honor of who you are and whatever speed you need/want to be moving at.

"Zombie Tip: Your passion shouldn't be a fashion. ... If you only do what's popular and follow from trend to trend, you'll be left never knowing who you actually are as a person." --- hear that, ya i heard that! good stuff that one...

"Habit 19: No Profiling.
"Judging people based on how they look isn't cool." yep. and kinda stupid too most of the time.

"Habit 22: Remember, It's Just Stuff.
"Zombies don't focus on material possessions, and they certainly don't 'keep up with the Joneses.' Neither should you." --- simplify. simplify. simplify. --- i seriously love how pared down and clean my living room has become recently - peaceful and no longer squished up and overfilled with stuff - the dining room is approaching that state and i love it - seriously love it! - now to get my office there (that one feels like i might need to become a Zombie to actually tackle!)

"Habit 27: ... Most of all, do what makes you happy." ---
now, in a Zombie's case that means trying to eat my brains so i don't actually want them to succeed at being happy - but for us non-brain-eaters? bring on the joy cause the way i see it joy+joy+joy=peace,love, & more joy --- on a side note, Mon says this today "

begin by asking yourself what makes you happy.

and work towards creating the lifestyle that will make that possible."

"By focusing on perfection humans make their lives imperfect. By never worrying about doing things perfectly, zombies experience perfect happiness" --- i'd chose 'perfect happiness' anyday or chasing after perfect. what about you?

and i've saved the last little bit for last:

"Zombie Tip: Be a lifelong learner" ---- who knew zombies were unschoolers?!? how totally cool is that!

it's only recently that i've begun to see the value and allow myself the freedom to simply skim a book - (very freeing choice that one) - to allow whatever degree/depth of engagement i choose to happen - much more satisfying than my old belief/agreement that i had to finish whatever i started to read and when i didn't to feel like i had failed to complete something instead of just being and interacting w/ each reading opportunity as i felt called to do.

for that matter opening up to that with other things has been great as well - seriously, if in the middle of said crochet project or meal i change my mind why not? - i make something different for dinner and it usually turns out more interesting than what it was 'supposed' to have been in the beginning - i unravel the yarn and reball it - why finish if it's not engaging me anymore?

why do so many things in life we don't have to do just because we've started doing them?
*will the world stop spinning and tilt off its axis? nope.
*will we become more in-tune with ourselves? probably.
*will people sometimes struggle when we don't finish our own stuff because they hold the belief/agreement that things should be finished? quite likely - but that is their path to travel - it doesn't have to be my path.

my path is just that my path and i must forge ahead, ultimately on my own as we all are deep inside, and walk my journey - it's not the least bit lonely inside when you are true to yourself and love yourself and allow yourself to become/be who/what/however you feel best being - promise - cross my heart promise.

inspiration mondays ... my kitchen, my family, my reading, my blogging, oh my!

2010-10-11T13:24:00.001-07:00

dear beloved friend Tara has her inspiration Monday post up and so i'm playing along and as i was uploading photos and typing away i realized that experiencing and giving joyful moments to others both gives and brings inspiration to me

i am so enamored of his passion for WoW at the moment - it inspires to chase after my own passions - such as taking pictures and blogging and reading and making food people adore eating - these things bring me untold amounts of joy and joy inspires me to create more opportunities for joy - what a nifty cycle!

reading this right now
absolutely charming little book that has brought much joy to my weekend

my kitchen inspirations and joys:

in my crockpot brews beef broth for chili tomorrow and the beans (pinto and red) for said chili are in a mason jar having a mini sprout feast as well - creating meals that nourish us all through 'real foods' methods brings me joy and that inspires me to create them yet again :)

here are some of my visual inspirations and joys from my kitchen today:

this little spot in my kitchen brings function and inspiration - the wood of the cutting board brings in Earth and the pear in the painting (a thrift store find) brings in bounty - my white cups to hold my measuring spoons and cups create peace - and the rice bowls? i call them pretty princess bowls and love, love, LOVE seeing and using them

what is an artist? i'm not really sure, but i am sure that hanging things/art i've created brings me joy and joy brings me inspiration to further create with love and joy - so i've hung this painting in the kitchen in my favorite corner

bryn made this face tile years ago and i adore it deeply - am ever so grateful she gifted it to me and also so grateful she prompted me to stop storing it in a box and actually enjoy it (cause what the heck was i saving it for anyway?!!? - seeing it often throughout the day brings me so many little moments of joy!) and this lovely little green glass heart was a purchase last fall at our local glass museum - again, something which brings me joy to see often throughout the day

Kai -did i tell ya'll yet that Kyle has decided to go by Kai now? if not, now ya know :) - made this for me what feels like forever ago when he was in junior high - it is tiny - the size of a name tag and it is one of my truest treasures also - it hangs in my kitchen window bringing me moments of joy as well as sorrow when i miss seeing him and longingly wish for a visit soon - but still so much joy

i've decided to take my food blogging over to a new spot - not that dis-similar to this home - but a place unto itself - for a while i resisted this urge - telling myself i'm no expert and there are plenty enough food bloggers anyway - but this is the calling of my heart and thanks to so many points of inspiration in my life i have consciously decided to honor that urging however impractical it seems to my logical vulcan-like should-have part of my brain - and, btw, would somehow please come over and turn the switch to that part of my brain onto standby mode for me when you have a moment!!!

*affiliate link disclaimer

wordless wednesday... scenes and notes from my week

2010-10-06T09:30:00.000-07:00

it can be so exhausting being a hyper spazzy kitten

enjoyed a visit to my favorite coffee house with Eli and a game of Sorry while there

Trixie was found looking almost obscenely relaxed on the dryer while it was running

Rob, Eli and Esme enjoying some dear fellowship this weekend - we actually shared two evenings and two Lord of the Rings movies together this weekend - and some quite yummy eats as well :)

for more Wordless Wednesday posts click here

Gluten: What You Don't Know Might Kill You

2010-10-05T08:08:00.000-07:00

read this article this morning and was floored by the enormity of the situation - too, too many people are having their lives affected with no idea it is because of gluten and the medical community by and large has no idea (and seemingly no desire to learn!) about this issue

here are a few excerpts from the article - please follow the link above in you want to read it in its entirety.

"A recent large study in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that people with diagnosed, undiagnosed, and "latent" celiac disease or gluten sensitivity had a higher risk of death, mostly from heart disease and cancer.

...

This study looked at almost 30,00 patients from 1969 to 2008 and examined deaths in three groups: Those with full-blown celiac disease, those with inflammation of their intestine but not full-blown celiac disease, and those with latent celiac disease or gluten sensitivity (elevated gluten antibodies but negative intestinal biopsy).

...

The findings were dramatic. There was a 39 percent increased risk of death in those with celiac disease, 72 percent increased risk in those with gut inflammation related to gluten, and 35 percent increased risk in those with gluten sensitivity but no celiac disease.

...

Another study comparing the blood of 10,000 people from 50 years ago to 10,000 people today found that the incidences of full-blown celiac disease increased by 400 percent (elevated TTG antibodies) during that time period."

monday meanderings

2010-10-04T04:34:00.000-07:00

eli and i enjoy so deeply the video's we've seen from the group OK Go - here is one on a lovely little site called cuteoverload.com

Fragrance is now an indoor air pollutant, says CDC

Cleaner for the Environment, Not for the Dishes

Popcorn? Licorice? Blood? Bedbugs hit NYC theaters another reason i'm glad i so very rarely go to theaters - yuck! - i wonder if they posted signs stating they had sprayed and, if not, i wonder how many patrons got ill from their visit and had no idea why...

Tara recently shared this: "Pretty freaky. Must learn more."

http://www.barefooters.org/ really - no joking :}

Wordless Wednesday ... Esme has some pretty strange positions she enjoys

2010-09-29T09:55:00.000-07:00

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scenes from a friday. a quite nice and very lovely friday

2010-09-24T16:40:00.000-07:00

Jasie and Silas drove down from Pt. T. today and we had just the best visit. i so wish we lived closer cause it is so nice to spend time/space/energy with someone who loves and likes and respects her child - someone who also sees her child as a person (not a small someone to control and mold and ???) - someone who can laugh at herself and me and smile from her heart with no judgment or fear - thank you internets for this friendship you have brought us.
there was actually a lot of time spent away from the computer
i think/hope they both enjoyed their visit at least half as much as i did!

Bryn made chocolate gluten free cupcakes with chocolate icing

nice of the rain to take a break today
Maya can sure be a dork :}
lovely pic of Jasie and half my face whoa

soooo not a good picture of me!
i really need to remember to unhunch my shoulders!

all mine

so now Bryn is gone for the night - at the homecoming game for your previous high school, enjoying the company of good friends and some of those awesome cupcakes - miss her already - and we are now heading out to the living room to watch, gasp*, Robin Hood cause i have a serious thing for Robin of Locksey - he is like totally my hero. totally

autumn equinox exchange

2010-09-23T05:21:00.000-07:00

faerwillow hosted an autumn equinox exchange and asked if i'd join in - seeing as if she's been asking me to give these sorts of things a try for some.time.now i agreed :)

i got paired w/ ooglebloops from Artfully Ooglebloops

in my little goodie box i found: there was a painted gourd - which now hangs in my kitchen window.
a most delightful pumpkin - most thoughtfully NOT wrapped around a cinnamon stick in case it was too much scent for.
ya'll know how much i love my kitties. well, i now have a spiffy kitty kat Halloween towel :)
and a sweet vintage (oh you know how i love the vintage!) clip on earring - which, btw, looks absolutely adorable clipped onto a certain necklace of mine that is bejeweled in fall colors all its own (i'll work on gettin' ya'll a pic. of them together)

all in all a fun surprise - though in truth i don't think this sort of thing is really my thing - i'm glad i gave it a go cause ya never surely know :P

wordless wednesday ... an unexpected gift of bounty - so far so yummy!

2010-09-22T08:20:00.000-07:00

thanks for the box of goodies to bake - yum.yum

for more Wordless Wednesday posts click here

injera? gluten free and ancient - this is just lovely and i simply must try it!

2010-09-20T12:53:00.000-07:00

Tara shared some of her recent/current inspirations and asked "What’s Been Inspiring You?" and so i figured why not share what i'm up to today - cause hopefully it'll end up being oh so yummy an addition to my new gluten-free life :P

i've been researching injera. in-whatta you ask. it's a traditional Ethiopian fermented (yep, fermented so totally in keeping with the whole concept of preparing grains found in Nourishing Traditions - oh yeah!) flatbread made from teff. what's teff ya say? it's an ancient grain originally and until recently pretty much only available in Ethiopia - it is the "the smallest grain in the world" - "it takes three thousand grains to weigh one gram"

interesting story about how teff came to the U.S. - rebellion, smuggling, and a passion for old ways? awesome! teff is gluten-free - yep, gluten free :)

Bob's RedMill has some interesting looking recipes for using teff and more teff recipes here (though perhaps not all gluten free!)

and injera recipes? yep, found this one. and this one. and this one (for what it's worth this one uses yeast it also has a started recipe) and this one. and this one. and this one.

while looking around for tradition(ish) injera recipes i found this glossary of Ethiopian foods which was really cool

sites with Ethiopian recipes here and here and here

and as often happens to me while researching one thing i find some other really cool thing - such as this list of ancient roman recipes - i'm pretty psyched to get back to this link and do some exploring

Monday Meanderings

2010-09-20T05:33:00.000-07:00

seriously love Rafi - many, many hours when the kids were younger were spent listening to this gentle and loving soul sing. recently i stumbled across the Centre for Child Honouring creating by, yep, Rafi -- of great interest was A Covenant for Child Honouring

Seattle Hempfest 2010: Rick Steves - Cannabis as a Civil Liberty

How to Avoid GM Food interesting ... didn't know squash would be on the list!

saw the video ""Fat Rant 3 : Staircase Wit">Fat Rant 3 : Staircase Wit" over @ Jasie's blog the other day - loved this quote at the end: "The mission? to live today like you wish you would have ten years from you" loved it!

Tattoo ink toxicity? glad i don't have any after reading this - wish there was a non-toxic method available though!

The Difference: Entitlement vs. Exposure from SimpleMarriage.net

Jeff from over at Just A Bald Guy has a new blog called Daddy 365 - it is a pretty sweet idea and i'm totally looking forward to traveling this path with him.

How One College Student Beat Tuition Costs

25 Best Nutrition Secrets - though i think adding supplements, soaked grains, and raw dairy would have been tremendously cool there are still some cool tips in there

Wordless Wednesday ... with some words :}

2010-09-15T05:23:00.000-07:00

no longer afraid of the dog :}
...somebody's getting bigger...
eek!
i got to be his hero and conquer the bug for him

how in-love with his smile i am

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unschooling as a medium for personal parental growth - cool!

2010-09-13T11:39:00.000-07:00

lately i feel like i'm climbing in deeper into myself.Spirit.

there is a lot of internal peace.strength in this momentum. i feel a general sense of peace within this transition yet also is this sense of wonder and a bit of fear

there's a feeling, a knowledge if you will, that "everything's gonna be alright" - it's my own little mantra of late. a calmness that tells me change is here and evolution is happening and i shouldn't be worried but instead expectant and joyful

i try not to let worry or fear take over or ride the dominant wave... i am curious though and it is important to me to embrace that curiosity. to let curiosity override fear and to keep curiosity foremost and center and fear off to the side and, albeit not ignored, not given the power to derail me and stop me

it is definitely connected with our progression deeper into this life of unschooling and the move/work/desire to embrace radical unschooling as a lifestyle/familystyle. totally connected - really awesome to discover this unintended benefit.

pretty flippin' awesome to make such radical changes in the way i parent/mother. to work to create a new parenting paradigm - such a different and lovely and, at times, incredibly and totally challenging parenting paradigm.

actually, now that i type that out i realize it never could have been just a parenting paradigm - it would, of course, have to be a whole life shift paradigm - the shift away from power over people and control and fear and rules into the space of cooperation and trust and needs that we just all naturally begin to become more peaceful and trusting with each other.

i'm not perfect - can't imagine ever being perfect - i actually don't believe perfect is possible for human interactions - i believe you can reach mastery and i also believe to reach mastery would entail constant awareness and vigil to continue to stay at that level - just gotta continue to be/try/do the best we can at any time.

looking forward to meeting myself more on the other side

i've been thinking a lot lately about Faith and personal choice and, well, respect for others.

2010-09-09T11:11:00.001-07:00

specifically, lately i've been pondering why it seems so upsetting to many non-Christian's that i have a personal belief in an afterlife.

what exactly is the big deal with my believing in that? and i'm not being a smart ass when i ask that - i'm really trying to understand.

does that view usually come from a preconceived notion that all Christian's have identical viewpoints? maybe it does - i think, for me, before i became a Christian it had a lot to do with really negative experiences growing up in a religion that says it is Christian but does not actually follow the Bible - i bailed on the religion at 13 as soon as i had enough personal strength to resist attending...

anyway, for me, having a Christian Faith and the accompanying fact that this includes belief in an afterlife that is dependent upon my Faith in Jesus Christ as personal Savior is my.own.business - the fact that according to my Faith there is a heaven and a hell (though, for me anywho, not in any way related to fire and brimstone kinda stuff) and that some will go to heaven and some to hell is part of my worldview.

it is not, at least for me, a judgment for or against anyone. i am a big fan of personal choice. that being said of course i believe everyone has a basic right to choose their own Spiritual path. why would i judge anyone for choosing differently from me? why would i condemn them for being different for me and why would i ever harass them about it?

really now, i can not imagine harassing anyone into a healthy and loving relationship with anyone – i can’t even begin to imagine how that might even be possible!

especially when i think of all the atrocities and just generally not.cool things done and said in the name of Christianity - i'm actually more surprised that more people aren't turned off from Christianity. i know for me it took years and years of searching and praying and actually reading the Bible to find this path i walk along. i literally had to deschool myself in order to understand, at least as i've been able to, what Jesus as Savior actually means for me

i had to weed through a whole truck and trailer load of dogma, prejudice, and half truths. if i wasn't by nature so tenacious and curious i likely would've given up or not even started searching. but even as a child growing up in said very controversial religion i was always questioning "why?" and "how come?" and "who says?" it's just my nature i suppose :P

but i digress. my confusion comes from folks who need to make blanket statements and talk smack about things such as my intelligence and/or my ability to think for my self. statements about people using religion as a crutch and some such.

now i know there are people who ‘use religion as a crutch’ – so what? there are also people who use food as a crutch and alcohol as a crutch and tv and social activism and… gettin’ the picture here? anything can be used as a crutch to:

a. hide from dealing with problems
b. blame regreted choices on
c. loads and loads of other disfunctional behaviors can be inserted here

the point i’m trying to make with the above is that blanket statements, as a whole, tend to draw lines in the sand, divisions if you will, that only serve to keep people seperated. they are used by people on all sides of things to keep tribalism alive and fighting to keep us all fighting.

cause here’s the thing. your business is your business – and yes you and i will not always agree with each others choices but i have no need to tell you your choices are bad or wrong or “sinful” – cause, hey, it’s your life and who the hell am i to think i actually *know shit anyway!

if we’re going to talk about *lack (and i am soooo uncomfortable using that word and am fairly annoyed i couldn’t think of another one to use – help please!) of religion or Spirituality than we are going to have to have 1. proof *we (insert whatever group here) are right – and how the heck do you get proof about something called faith and 2. we’re also going to have to acknowledge that to call someone else wrong for having a different belief is, at least in my eyes, in and of itself a sin – be it a sin of pride or hate or judgment – in my heart anything that creates divisions between Souls in a sin – not who you love or what you do on Sunday mornings or if you read your Bible or whatever

so i’m wondering how we as a species get past judgments and *isms and move into a space where we can just be people co-existing and respecting each other because, hey, we’re people! not because someone goes to church everyweek or because someone has escaped religion – neither – just cause we’re people and we need each other.

i know i'm not the only one that dealt with too much crap and bullshit as a child due to religion and i know i'm not the only one struggling to sort through this and find a peaceful reflection on it and a peaceful path forward and i know i'm not the ultimate wisdom on this or any other subject - if what you've just read has ya all hot and bothered and seeing red (pun intended) leave me a comment - let's start a dialogue - but do know that haters are part of the problem in my worldview and i will delete any comments that fall under that label!

why is that so hard and what can we do to change that?

Wordless Wednesday ... My New Personal Assistant - Smudge

2010-09-08T06:05:00.001-07:00

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niacin for high cholesterol? yep, though maybe high cholesterol isn't all (always) that bad anyway...

2010-09-06T09:34:00.000-07:00

when Eli and i were at the e.r. recently due to his too high a dose of niacin the doc. said to me that they used to use niacin to treat high cholesterol and it was very effective in treating it but people didn't like the flushing so they only use the statin drugs now. that has been on my mind and this morning i was able to do some research on this.

what i've been reading is pretty upsetting and shocking to me. here is a short list of the proven dangers and side effects of statin drugs from Dr. Mercola's site:

* Muscle problems
* Polyneuropathy (nerve damage in the hands and feet)
* Rhabdomyolysis (a serious degenerative muscle tissue condition)
* Anemia
* Acidosis
* Sexual dysfunction
* Immune depression
* Pancreas or liver dysfunction, including a potential increase in liver enzymes
* Cataracts

dangers and side effects of high doses of niacin? flushing is the main and most common side effect - other side effects seem less likely - but upset stomach may be avoided by taking niacin without food

according to the National Institutes of Health site "Multiple studies show that niacin (not niacinamide) has significant benefits on levels of high-density cholesterol (HDL or "good cholesterol"), with better results than prescription drugs such as "statins" like atorvastatin (Lipitor®). There are also benefits on levels of low-density cholesterol (LDL or "bad cholesterol"), although these effects are less dramatic."

according to healingdaily.com "Overall, the use of niacin (nicotinic acid, but not the other form called "niacinamide") to treat or prevent high levels of blood cholesterol and triglycerides and reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease is well substantiated." this website also states: "Niacin and detoxification of fatty tissues" - now that is interesting news!

additionally, mayoclinic.com states "Keep in mind that when you begin to take a statin, you'll most likely be on it for the rest of your life."

plus, did you know that your body NEEDS cholesterol. wanna know more?
here are some links for additional reading:

The dangers of having low cholesterol

Cholesterol Is Necessary for Digestion - it is widely believed that if your digestion isn't functioning properly you will have health problems.

Learning, Your Memory, and Cholesterol

the Weston A. Price foundation website has loads of information about this topic.

i'm grateful i have always had a temperament that causes me to question authority and a curiosity that pushes me to learn, learn, learn. life learning just for kids? nope. not for this mama and many, many, many others.

who knew ears could get that red that fast?!?

2010-09-02T12:07:00.000-07:00

Tuesday we had Wyatt for the day (his last day before school started back up for him) and picked up Ash. and then went to the high school and picked up Matt and headed over to the bowling alley (think Matt is feeling quite at ease and comfortable - he kept picking up my camera to take pics) - very fun, silly, and a bit chaotic at times - it was raining like a fall day here so no bbq burgers for us - papa murphy's saved the night for a hoard of hungry young people and a hubby - i really do need to give this making a gluten free crust a try soon!

i wrote on Sunday about my body having a hard time dealing with the antibiotics for my cat bite - well, it got way worse shortly after i hit the post button - my throat actually got tight and my skin was itching ALL OVER and i felt awful - i was this.close to having Rick take me into the urgent care clinic before the reaction leveled off.

needless to say i stopped taking the antibiotics - saw dr. today was told 80% of cat bites get infected and my bite site and entire arm look great - indeed i am feeling blessed - though the antibiotics have wrecked havoc on my gut and now i have an upper respiratory infection (think it's time for me to finally figure out how to use my neti pot!) and have a referral to an allergist and my very own epi-pen because of allergic reactions i've been dealing with on and off all summer - oh isn't that special?!?

but yesterday we had ourselves some real drama for a wee bit. around noon Bryn, Ash. and i are hanging out in the office talking about high school diplomas and college and record keeping (i know, it made me want to gag a bit too) and in walks Eli saying he felt really funny and itchy and sporting himself some bright crimson cheeks, ears, and elbows along with some hives - wow! so the benadryl came out right away and i took a few minutes to cancel an appt. i had that afternoon and schedule one for Eli with the ped and then i go check on Eli - he was still flaming red and now panting and saying his breath felt hot and it was uncomfortable to breath! oh sh*t!

check out the red on that ear!

off we go to urgent care/er - my poor buddy Eli is so scared he's crying and i'm working on being all calm and brave for him but really i was freaking out pretty good by then as well - half way there the redness is totally gone and he says he feels just fine. huh?

well, we went in anyway and let me tell you we didn't wait but 15 minutes total before we'd gone through triage and a dr. was walking in the room - and while i was waiting for the dr. to come in i witnessed all that redness blossom across his face again. weird to say the least.

luckily i'm a pretty smart cookie sometimes and i had grabbed the niacin bottle to bring in as all he'd had at that point in the day was some popcorn and 2 tabs of niacin. turns out this was not an allergic reaction but too high a dose of niacin which was causing 'flushing' - that.is.all - whew!

i felt like i'd hit the jackpot when he said this - seriously! and somehow, even though i read and read and read and do way more research than is fun, i had thought 'flushing' meant excess urinating - i think because ya know how sometimes you pee out excess vitamin C and all - i'm not embarrassed about it - why would i be? - just really.REALLY relieved.

so all in all i've had lots of excitement and drama and stress and fun the last few days - i'm pretty beat right now - especially since dear Esme seems to think bedtime and 5am are meant for attacking my feet in bed - but life is good and i am blessed. what have ya'll been up to this week?

Monday Meanderings

2010-08-30T03:22:00.000-07:00

psst. we got a new kitty!

Can Those with an Invisible Illness Park in the Blue Spots Without Others Seeing Red?

study finds Risk to kids from toxic pesticides may be underestimated

Ready For A Changing World Unschooling is a decentralized style of education for a decentralized economy by Wendy Priesnitz

YES! magazine recently put up the following: How Resilient Are You?Take this test to find out. i'm not entirely in agreement w/ it - but at the very least it will likely get you thinking about your lifestyle - and that is almost always a good thing!

Yahoo ran this article - 13 Things An Identity Thief Won't Tell You - whoa! good stuff to know in here!

researchers found: "The children that were hit were more likely to be misbehaving still after five years than the kids who weren't hit," - not really surprising there - the different ways in which people around the world hit their children did surprise me - the full article is here

man, i feel like cr*p but the kitty sure is sweet

2010-08-29T10:58:00.000-07:00

update on my last post - my body and TD shots and antibiotics are not getting along - i hurt/ache all.over and my throat is sore, tight, and feels raw and my head hurts and i feel nauseous and light headed. seriously. this just plain sucks.

Esme (not sure if i want to keep that as her name... any suggestions?) is settling right in.

got woke up at 6am by a very awake, unafraid, and playful kitten this morning - we are keeping her either in the office or on a lap until the vet. checks her out tomorrow to protect Trixie, who btw, is slowly calming down.

yesterday i was sitting at the desk and Trixie walks in, looks up at Esme and hisses - takes one more step, looks up at Esme and hisses - takes yet one more step, looks up at Esme and hisses - then turns around and walks out - on her way out she turns around, looks up at Esme and hisses - see a pattern here?

she is one heck of a sweet and cuddly kitty. which is so refreshing after having only 'Trixie the Queen of don't bother Me' all these years. don't get me wrong - we love our Miss Trixie - but she is NOT cuddly by any stretch of the imagination!

Esme just flops over your arm and hangs out looking around and napping - that is when she's not playing - i've started also calling her limp biscuit or L.B. because of it :P

we got a kitten and i got a shot

2010-08-28T09:06:00.000-07:00

we caught the baby yesterday - woot! - almost immediately came a soaking bath because let me tell you this kitten was D.I.R.T.Y. and had some horrible amount of fleas. bryn and i teamed up and between the bath, a little flea treatment, and some massive attention on bryn's part she is almost completely flea free now.

so exhausted after that bath and flea picking -
didn't know kittens could get circles under their eyes too!
after giving her a little bit of a flea treatment (not a whole because 1. we're not sure if she's actually 8 weeks old and 2. rick spilled some while opening the package) we then moved on to give Trixie an overdue treatment (really, i'm not fond of this stuff and Trixie monthly treatment usually gets stretched out so it because a bi-annual event).

anyway, i screwed up. bit.time - first i got hold of Trixie before rick had the package open and held on to her wearing the same shirt the kitten had been all nuzzling up into. she was so not happy about this and wanted me to let her go and rick was taking for-f*cking-ever to get that package open and, well, she bite me.

i was not the least bit happy about this - a dear friend got a cat bite recently so i was well versed in the medical treatment recommended - i was not happy about it - i did luck out in that our neighborhood drugstore has a little walk in clinic run by the same med. group my dr. is part of and so i was back home in about an hour with just a $12 copay and $6 for my two (yes two!) bottles of antibiotics and a tetanus shot to boot

now, for those that aren't aware of this my kids are not vaccinated (and, no thank you, i do not wish to engage in a conversation/debate about the merits of that decision!) - to put it mildly i was freaking out about getting a tetanus shot and when reading the paperwork for it it was talking about it being a TDaP shot - i talked w/ her about this and got the DT shot only - but still, a vaccine, really?!?

she actually asked me if i was okay and was i going to cry or something right after giving me the shot i was totally shaken - visibly unable to hold on to any sense of cool at that moment - and thanks to my ever so frustrating mother telling me it might have been amoxicillin i was allergic to as a child (but she's not sure!) i get to take two different antibiotics for 10 days. but, in the end, i'm grateful for health insurance and grateful for all the work on internal healing i've been doing this summer and figure it's way better than dying of a blood infection.

bryn got all cleaned up from our kitten bathing adventure (i was not to bathe or do anything else to get my finger wet until today) and then we all hung out with her - enjoying her cuteness, her smallness, her sweetness

not so much a fan of Maya yet!

oh my - seriously, how can any one little creature be this cute?!?

btw, eli is showing her The Simpsons as i type this out :)

for now anyway her name is:
Emse the Amber Princess of Her Majesty Queen Trixie the Fierce
seriously. or may.may for short.

we're keeping the kitty. we're keeping the kitty

2010-08-26T16:14:00.000-07:00

psst. we've all officially decided to adopt her whenever the heck i can catch her.

i held her briefly the other day. then decided to let her go. she scampered off not entirely peacefully but not terrified either. it felt right to let it be about her choice.

now i am getting worried cause we live really close to a way too busy for a little kitten street and there are dogs that at times roam off lease and seemingly with no human in control of them. so i am struggling against/into a lot of fear for her as the days go by.

so next time i catch her i will likely bring her inside and give her as gentle and peaceful a bath as possible. yeah, a bath cause she is that.dirty.

all the good vibes/energy/prayers ya'll can send our way would be great - she's got a vet. appt. for monday morning so that's my deadline for bringing her officially home. and i am so excited.

Wordless Wednesday ... Water Fight

2010-08-25T09:43:00.001-07:00

for more Wordless Wednesday posts click here

this little kitten just appeared out.of.nowhere

2010-08-24T04:25:00.000-07:00

saturday night i heard the faintest little sound - 'meow' - from outside - looked at Trixie in the window and realized i was not imaging it - she was very much paying attention to this noise too

after some investigation i saw this little one on the front porch - such a wee little thing - afraid of us - but becoming a bit less so seemingly by the hour

we've been putting a little bit of food and water out for her - slowly moving the bowls inside the back gate and now next to the deck
she needs a bath quite badly i think

last night she walked right up to the slider and was looking at Maya through the glass - Maya was about to split apart from excitement - she wants to get out there and play with this new friend so bad!

i've sent an email to a local group that fosters and then adopts out kittens - waiting to hear back from them - eli and i are having disagreements/discussions over what to name her and he told me this morning he is going to mount a campaign to convince Rick we need another kitten/cat in our family - and since Rick has allergies to cats i figure with that whole do unto others things i really want him to want her (cue Cheap Trick soundtrack here)

i am trying to remain neutral - like Switzerland - and see how this whole thing plays out - i must admit though that she is incredibly cute and i long to cuddle and hold and nuzzle my face into her little kitten neck and just breath her in for a while ...

to the faire, to the faire, full of pirates and knights and men in kilts

2010-08-23T12:13:00.000-07:00

off the four of us went to the Washington Midsummer Renaissance Faire. even with the budgetary woes of recent times we did not want to miss this so money from our summer fun fund (a gift from a dear parent) was put aside and so viola! to the Faire we went!

bryn and i were (kinda/sorta/mostly) in costume - me in a bodice, chemise, odd assortment of gems and no shoes = a very contented happy gal indeed :) i have been rediscovering my love of skirts and dresses this summer so this day was just epically perfect for such wearables

this here is Nak the Shoulder Cat and his friendly human

"kids, don't try this at home. do it grandma's - she'll let you do anything!"

so strong and self-assured he instantly seemed to become whilst holding the bow and arrow - perhaps a bit of Robin Hoods' Spirit resides in my son?...

Bryn got accosted by Skeltor - but it was all in good fun

like i said, all in *good fun
so many pirates and knights and men in kilts - oh my

girl power

the jousting and acrobatics on horsebacks and such were fantastic and frightening and wonderful to behold (so very relieved no one was hurt and when there was a fall we all cheered all the louder to encourage the fallen)

i'm trying not to imagine all the things that can get broken by having bought the child a sling shot - he is so happy to have one - i really need to scout out some 'safe' places for him to practice with it. ideas and suggestions on that would be so totally welcome folks!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-08-18T04:56:00.000-07:00

for more Wordless Wednesday posts click here

it was so hot yesterday we had to run away from home for the afternoon

2010-08-16T10:36:00.000-07:00

sunday we had a high of 96' and it was humid and we have no air conditioning - seems like most folks here in the Puget Sound area don't cause really we mostly don't need it - but sunday? well it was HOT! so we abandoned the house for the beach - seemed like mass amounts of Tacomans did the same by the size of the crowd there

we wandered along the beach - leaving behind the crowds with their noise and cigarette smoke and energy that was beyond unpleasant and found the quiet end of the beach and a hole dig in the sand - an Eli sized hole in the sand - so of course he climbed in and asked me to bury him and Bryn got some shots of me doing the burying

then i got the camera back and
took a truly absurd amount of shots of him working his way back out
really, it was shocking to discover how many shots of this event i had taken

was able to snap this quiet moment
love this shot of Bryn - it's a keeper!

and a giant stick was found
and cavorting at the waters edge on prehistoric sized rocks ensued

see? cavorting fun was had

and on the way home we stopped for one child at the Taco Bell and the other child at the McDonalds and i had exactly enough cash left in my wallet for both to eat and we didn't get home till almost 8pm and by then it had cooled off considerably (thank goodness!) and i had some lovely and refreshing organic grapes and we watched two episodes of The Colony on Discovery channel and off to bed with us all